The Beginning..

Another morning, 4 am, sitting in my living room AWAKE. Should I read instead of surfing? No, I think I'll take my musing from lamenting to reminiscing...

How did Doug and I meet? I was in grade 10, young thing, right? Doug had returned to YRHS (Yorkton Regional High School) to upgrade his high school marks after a solo trip to New Zealand, and he was sharing his younger brother's locker--which was right across the hall from mine. He had asked out a couple other girls that I knew, but things just hadn't worked out.I was waiting for a call from another guy (hmm, also older, weird) but this Doug called and asked for a date to a movie. Well, off we went, but I had a girlfriend coming for a sleepover, so movie then right home (the theatre was 2 blocks from my house). After that outing, I had stated to everyone that I didn't think we'd be going out again--he was nice, but not my type-whatever that was. I continued waiting for the other guy to call, but that didn't happen. Apparently, other guy was told NOT to bother, Deb was now dating someone else. and so the direction of my life was set...I thought going out with Doug again would be fun, and let's be totally honest...he had the most awesome car in the Yorkton teen world...'71 green Camaro, always keep shiny and full of gas. Thinking about this and talking out loud to myself, I know we would NEVER have encouraged/allowed our teen daughters to date an older guy , but without this guy, I would not have the super awesome kids I have...

Let's put the seniors in jail and the felons in nursing homes.

This would correct two things in one motion:

Seniors would have access to showers, hobbies and walks.

They would receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs, etc.

They would receive money instead of having to pay it out.

They would have constant video monitoring, so they would be helped instantly if they fell or needed assistance.

Bedding would be washed twice a week and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them.

A guard would check on them every 20 minutes.

All meals and snacks would be brought to them

They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.

They would have access to a library, weight/fitness room, spiritual counselling, a pool and education...and free admission to in-house concerts by nationally recognized entertainment artists.

Simple clothing - i.e.., shoes, slippers, pj's - and legal aid would be free upon request..

There would be private, secure rooms provided for all with an outdoor exercise yard complete with gardens.

Each senior would have a computer, T. V., phone and radio in their room at no cost.

They would receive daily phone calls.

There would be a board of directors to hear any complaints and the Canadian Civil Liberties Association would fight for their rights and protection.

The orderlies would have a code of conduct to be strictly adhered to, with attorneys available, at no charge to protect the seniors and their families from abuse or neglect.


As for the felons:

They would receive cold food.

They would be left alone and unsupervised.

They would receive showers once a week.

They would live in tiny rooms, for which they would have to pay $5,000 per month.

They would have no hope of ever getting out.

Interesting.

Yesterday a dear lady met me in the grocery store in Dalmeny and asked, "Is it really true that Doug is gone?" Why yes, dear lady, he is dead. Answer her questions, don't cry, finish shopping, act 'ok', go home and keep going. While I am able to do the motions of continuing with life, my being is still sad. These last few nights, the moon has been shining so brightly in my bedroom window. Delaney says it's a nightlight, and it is lovely. It also makes me melancholy and lonely. Is heaven up there, past the stars and the moon? Is there beautiful nature that Doug enjoyed so very much? Can he see my tears, and know how much I miss him? No answers until heaven, but questions continue to swirl around me. and yes, it is true that Doug is gone.

Ollie is 4 today, wow. So with all the summer birthdays, Tristan is 4, Violet is 1, O is 4, and I am a year older too. Time keeps ticking, but sometimes it is just too slow. I want things to be settled, decisions made, no more "maybe this and maybe that". Job, house, reno's, all done. So, as summer comes to a close, I'm still undecided about lots of things. but it really looks like my creative writing aspirations are a no go. Just am not getting the words on paper that float around in my head! Practice? yes, I guess so. Happy August, kind of.

August 1st, the birthday month. Doug would be 58 on Tuesday. Too sad. and somehow my words have left me. Will do this again later.

Sunday morning, sitting on the deck, delicious coffee, sun, quiet! Amazing that is's so quiet here in town, at the Lake was like a busy village with kids, cars, animals, all getting the day organized. Here, it's just a few cars in the distance, birds and wind. Nice! I look at my backyard, with a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction as the yard work is about 50% "complete". Grass is nice, deck and gazebo area are ok, lots of "toys" are placed and ready to be played with and on. This is significant because I am NOT a gardener. Never have been, prior to this, only when coerced by Doug. Allergies, work schedule and general dislike of dirt are the basis of this personality "trait"(Doug accepted this, but never understood!) Anyway, a bit at a time this past few weeks, and some progress made. Best part is that I still have 5 weeks of vacation left!

As well, today is Miss Violet's birthday party. One year passed, and again, we made it! Not only have we made it, but we have participated and enjoyed the year. New experiences, trying different patterns of doing things, changing...Delaney was talking yesterday about making a book for Violet so she would know her grandpa Doug. Wow, what a great kid...so we'll do that over the next while.

So summer continues, always decisions to be weighed, but enjoying the days as they come. Today, I'm not alone, enjoying the blessings of family and health. Happy birthday, lovely Violet!

Summer so far

Already July, two weeks of "vacation" done, and really nothing accomplished. I am amazed at my lack of accomplishment. Yard, house, garage, car--all suffer from this chronic condition known as neglect.

BUT, we did have an absolutely wonderful time in Nova Scotia. It really was away from all things Dalmeny in my life, and Delaney loved everything about our trip. Was I happy to be home? Not really, but I was happy to see puppy. House? Not really. Friends? Haven't seen anyone yet. Family? Nice to see everyone here, but they are all busy with everything else.

Anyway, NS is a beautiful place. Some shopping in very nice shops, trips to Peggys Cove and Halifax harbour, lobster meal...all so not Saskatchewan. Meeting Zach's family also so nice, faces and personalities to go with all the names!

Now, Steve is back here and will continue with some reno's. Keep getting this house ready to sell in case I ever make any decisions. and so summer continues.

Alone.